


Promises and Raven Poop

by gumboy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gumboy/pseuds/gumboy
Summary: Vax had once promised Grog to go on a long camping trip with him. A promise he never kept.Occurs sometime after the first campaign...





	Promises and Raven Poop

Grog Strongjaw is not much for great thoughts, small thoughts or even tiny thoughts for that matter. He can spell his name and sound out words but that's about it for his abilities when it comes to knowledge.

What he can do is remember. And one night, long after that unpleasantness and narrow victory in Vasselheim, Grog sat in front of a campfire alone somewhere out in the fields of the Dividing Plains or Tal'Dorei. And he remembered something. It was rare that this occurred so it was as much as a surprise to Grog as it would be to anyone who knew him.

"We were supposed to go camping."

It was a promise Vax had made on the way to find the Key to Ioun. Which turned out to be a gnome and not really a key. Grog had asked for explanation but after fifteen minutes Scanlan had given him an ale and he forgot all about how a gnome could be a key.

But there was that promise. Grog had been complaining about how everything was rushed by the use of spells to get to places quicker and faster and not any time was spent just enjoying the open road. Vax had promised that when the whole thing with Vecna was over they'd get out and do just that.

"Hey! He made a promise!" Grog called out to... well no one. "He said we'd go camping and then he went up and poofed into a whole big ball of feathers!"

He frowned. That wasn't supposed to happen. If anyone was going to kill Vax it was supposed to be Grog. And he was pretty sure that would happen after said camping. Grog was pretty sure he could have done something to stop the whole "poofing" thing but there was an evil talking sword at the time. Grog was pretty sure that was somehow to blame for it.

"Totally not fair," Grog grumbled as he reached into his bag of holding to pull out a cask of ale and poured it into a very ostentatious goblet he found in there as well. He took the entire drink down in about a gulp and was about to pour himself another when he saw a large raven sitting across from him.

Grog stared at the black bird. Because Grog didn't know that technically it was a raven. (Nature Check = 2) "What do you want?" Grog asked as he poured himself another ale.

The raven merely tilted his head and looked at Grog in response.

"If you're looking for food, I don't have anything for birds," Grog continued. "I've got a hand of a gnoll in my bag. If that's your thing that is."

It definitely wasn't the raven's thing. In response the raven flew up and perched on the lip of Grog's goblet.

And pooped in Grog's ale.

"SHIT! GODS DAMN IT! THAT'S MY ALE!" Grog shouted. Within seconds Grog had went into a rage, grabbed his blood axe and was promptly trying to slice that black bird into bits and pieces. 

The bird however was much too nimble and quick for the large barbarian. Grog's blade could never touch it. Not even in a frenzied rage.

It wasn't much of a battle. In fact if anyone happened by it probably would have been comical to watch. Not to laugh at of course. No one should ever laugh at a barbarian goliath in a frenzied rage.

After two minutes of trying to kill the bird, the goliath threw down his axe and roared in frustration. "Nobody shits in Grog Strongjaw's ale and gets away with it!" he declared.

And for one brief second the bird was gone. In its place was a smiling half-elf wearing armor that looked like something David Bowie would wear.

"Vax?" the anger was gone now. And as soon as the name escaped his lips, his friend was gone and the bird was back.

Grog stood there in confusion which in all fairness was his favored terrain. However he had no idea what was going on other than a bird shit in his ale and for a second he thought he saw Vax. Needless to say: Grog failed his intelligence roll.

"I have no idea what you are or what's going on," Grog growled. "I don't even know if you even know what I'm saying. But you don't just go and shit in someone else's ale. Understand bird?"

The raven let out a small caw and flew up to land on Grog's shoulder which made the goliath even more confused. "All right. Fine. Just no more shit. Okay?"

The raven let out another caw... and pooped on Grog's shoulder.

The goliath let out a grunt of frustration and sat back down at the fire. "Just as long as it's not in my beer."

When Grog awoke the next morning the bird was gone. Only a few feathers left on the ground. Grog grabbed them and stuffed them into the bag of holding and decided to ask Pike about the whole situation the next time he saw her.

But by that time Grog would have forgotten all about it.


End file.
